Batting coach Mark McGwire

Now, it’s just getting sad. If the gazillion-dollar Dodgers can’t beat the lowly Marlins (who intentionally got rid of any talent they ever had), there is something fundamentally wrong.

What the hell is Mark McGwire doing to our batters? Who is he really working for to make all our batters suck? And how about that Ronald Belisario? If you are a couple of runs ahead, Mr. Mattingly, definitely bring in Belisario. He’s guaranteed to give up just enough runs to make you lose.

As my husband, the Dodger poet, said: “I had a feeling they might suck this year, but I didn’t think they’d suck this bad.”

Now, on Think Blue TV this week, Eric Karros pretty much assured us that the Dodgers would turn everything around, “just like the Lakers did.” (Kobe & Co. made it to the playoffs, after all.) I hope he’s right, but I’d like to see some proof they even have a spark of potential in them.

First! Get the f*#@ rid of BELISARIO. Never let him near a ball again.

Second! Only use Brandon League if you have a 5-run or more lead (maybe 6).

Third! Try hitting when men are on base. That’s usually the way ball games are won.

Tonight, the Dodgers will start a new series after a day off. They are seven games below .500, six games behind the D’bags and Jints in last place, and looking up. No place else to go, right?

The good news? The Marlins are (statistically) worse than we are. So maybe we can make a little headway over this weekend. (I’ll miss Mother’s Day at the stadium. It’s been a tradition for quite some time, and the only day I can get Zach out to the ballpark with me.)

Da bums are back!?! I tawt I seen da last of dese joiks!

It wouldn’t hoit to win one once in a while, ya trolley-dodgin’ ninks!

Droppin’ tree straight to da snakes!?! Who da ya tink youse are? Da Pittsboig Buckos!

My sister brings home more guys dan youse, and she’s a flippin’ nun!

A whole new bloo, my aunt’s fannie! Just a whole new boo hoo hoo!